I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
