rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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