That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
