do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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