I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I would ride that face into the sunset
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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