peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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