At least make sure they are 18
Why
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Randomize
