i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
