sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
