I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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