we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
