took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
