We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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