my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
