Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
