Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
