trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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