Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
