Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
