he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
