I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
