Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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