i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
