guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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