you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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