So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
