If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
