i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
