I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
