can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
