I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
