Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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