My sheets look like a crime scene.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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