So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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