A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
