grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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