No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
