i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
