FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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