we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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