I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize