All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In America we eat man semen.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think a kid would responsible me up
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
