we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize