Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
