Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
