there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
