you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
