Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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