Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
