I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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