Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
