Will you blow on my dice?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
