i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
