someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
