Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
