that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
