I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
