So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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