Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That's when you crack a 10am beer
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
