Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
