I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
