id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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