You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
