mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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