I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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