OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
