I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
