After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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