My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
