It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
